The Character

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by John Schoneboom

The character was born to the richest parents in the entire town, Jermaine and Rhonda Goldperson. Anything he wanted, all he had to do was yell "oooooga wooga wonga, meeeega teega bloop" and do a special dance and he'd possibly get it.

While attending rocket science lessons, however, he fell in with the wrong sort of crowd and became addicted to video games.

After several decades of this kind of excitement, however, he discovered that the top of his head was absurdly pointy. He looked in the mirror and he looked sad as dead rabbits. So he began a rigorous course of picking at his cysts, hair twiddling, and telling people they looked beautiful compared to far uglier things. In the end, he invented a rocket ship and became the first man to live on Jupiter, where he laughed every day at the ridiculous amount he weighed.
The character was born to the richest parents in the entire town, Jermaine and Rhonda Goldperson. Anything he wanted, all he had to do was yell "oooooga wooga wonga, meeeega teega bloop" and do a special dance and he'd possibly get it.

While attending rocket science lessons, however, he fell in with the wrong sort of crowd and became addicted to video games.

After several decades of this kind of excitement, however, he discovered that the top of his head was absurdly pointy. He looked in the mirror and he looked sad as dead rabbits. So he began a rigorous course of picking at his cysts, hair twiddling, and telling people they looked beautiful compared to far uglier things. In the end, he invented a rocket ship and became the first man to live on Jupiter, where he laughed every day at the ridiculous amount he weighed.
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